January 15, 2014
I honestly do not understand the people who don’t get nervous. Like what?! I honestly almost peed my pants when the orchestra started playing the first couple notes of our show. I remember when I taught intermediate musical theatre at CSOPA all the kids would say that they’re nervous. I would tell them that I think it’s good to be nervous because that means that you care about what you’re doing and want to do a good job. I mean I’ve been in a show or two where I was not really that invested in and therefore I did not feel the least bit nervous but for all the CSOPA shows and many others that I’m passionate about I get so nervous. But at the same time I’m not saying if you’re not nervous it’s because you don’t care… just saying that it’s perfectly all right to be nervous. It’s actually kind of weird because of this cast, I’ve taught seven or eight of them. I mean it’s not that weird like that I want to be teaching them and can’t handle being on the same level as them… not at all. It’s just nice to have a different relationship with them. We obviously built relationships when it was teacher/student but each end has to refrain from acting a certain way because of where they are. It’s nice now to be able to goof around with them and have them talk to me as a friend and not necessarily a friend that sometimes can get them in trouble. I asked them and they also said it was weird to see how goofy and ridiculous I can be when I’m not getting paid to be a role model… not that I’m being a bad role model or anything… man I think I’m digging myself in a hole. To conclude that thought, it’s just nice to see kids I taught continuing on with the next steps at CSOPA.
Also, shout out to Carmen, Kessia and Raven for either doing my makeup for me because I’m incapable of making eyeshadow appear nice or for hugging me as I’m crying like a baby because I spilled and wrecked all my gold makeup. Which isn’t a big deal. It’s funny because I don’t cry a lot (especially not in front of people) except for at movies and such. But when it comes to show time all normal things are off. I become the biggest baby. Like seriously. I don’t even like makeup but I definitely cried tonight over it. Like um… RIP gold mac eye glitter? Okay Brittany. Get a life. So if you see me crying it’s not something big… I probably saw a spider die or my tea spilled… unless it’s the last night. If it’s the last night and you see me crying run far away because I will be a basket case.
My mom definitely reminded me that we have seven shows in the next four days and I replied with “I love it”. And she said “Really? Even when you’re crying cause you spilled make up?”. And I thought about that and really, really, really. I love it even when I’m crying from something as stupid as makeup, even when I screw up big time or show half my butt because the costume was a bit interesting (it’s fixed now), even when I want to punch Andrew’s face or only get three hours of sleep. I love each and every moment of it. It’s like loving somebody I think. You will always love them… you just don’t necessarily like them at every moment. I think… if that makes sense, is how theatre is.
Anyways, we’ve got a school show in the AM then another preview so I should hit the sack (with my flowers and my lips ready to be kissed just in case my Prince Charming comes tonight…. *cough* Robert Downey Jr/ Matthew Gray Gubler *cough*)